The past few months have been very challenging ones. Well, probably the past year or so has been. Don't get me wrong, we feel very blessed and wouldn't change a thing that has happened, but it's been hard.
Between the poor health I've experienced the past several years, and our lives being life, and just continually changing, I have slowly shifted into survival mode. I had gotten to the point that my life was just completely out of control. Seriously.
And then I got pregnant, which was totally an act of faith for me because although Wes and I want lots of kids and I would probably welcome a new baby into our home at any given time, I just wondered how in the world we were going to pull it off. We already had such crazy lives with both of us building our own little "side hustles" and Wes working long hours with an hour-long commute, making him gone most of the boys' waking hours. We had already cut out of our lives nearly everything that didn't feel absolutely necessary, and even some of the necessary, because there was just no room for extras in our lives. So, how was I supposed to factor in pregnancy, recovery, and a new baby into all the chaos? Was it really the right thing to do?
But we both thought about it often, until we finally decided to pray about it. I think we waited to pray for a bit because deep down, we knew what the answer would be. We prayed and nearly immediately felt like it was right to add another sweet little spirit to our family. Then, I was reading one of Linda Eyre's books, "A Joyful Mother of Children" and she talked about a similar experience she was having....that it felt time for a baby, but they were very busy (her husband was a Mission President in London at the time, and she had several small children already), and she wasn't sure if she could do it, or wanted to at that time. Her and her husband discussed it, made a list of pros and cons, and took it to the Lord, and received a very strong conformation that it was right. She then went on to talk a little about that child, and how much they needed him in their family, and how grateful she was to have followed the promptings of the spirit. Anyway, like I always feel when I read their books, I could totally relate to this experience, and it gave me the courage I needed to just "go with it".
Fast forward to now, and here we are, almost 4 months pregnant, 15 weeks today. I look back and hardly remember much about the last few months, except right before Halloween, everyone getting a nasty flu bug that lasted almost three weeks. At different times. I was still having my turn with the flu when much to my surprise, morning sickness hit. Both times before, I have felt a little nausea and definitely the fatigue of pregnancy, and the sensitive stomach, but I could function, and the second time around I never even threw up. Not the case this time. I've lost count, and I've felt so horribly sick that at times I have worried something was wrong. Just because it's been so incredibly different this time around. But all seems to be well, and we feel very blessed for all the things that this little challenge has taught us.
Being sick all through Christmas time was no fun at all. But now that I am beginning to feel better (although I still throw up daily) it seems to have been very fleeting. We had to simplify our lives even more. I had to surrender to morning sickness. I've spent so much time in bed that Wes finally got me a more comfortable bed, in hopes that I would sleep a little better and be a little more comfortable when I'm not feeling well (what a guy! it's really helped!) I quit watching our money, I quit cooking and cleaning and the poor dogs were so bored and stinky and Tucker's hair grew so long that he almost couldn't see before I got around to cutting the poor little guy's hair. We haven't been on too many dates. Poor Wes has still never had a birthday party (I'll need to cook up something really special since he's been such a good sport about it). I quit agility, I quit knitting, I couldn't shop or drive much, it's been tough.
But let me tell you, the blessing and miracles we have experienced through all this craziness has far outweighed the challenges. I have felt so much strength from the Lord. I have felt closer to Him than ever before. I have had to totally rely on him for everything. It had made our marriage stronger, and the boys have become much closer and learned a lot about "helping" and have really adapted each day to what I can do for them. They are so amazing, and my love and awe for them has grown immensely. They are really amazing people! Another blessing that came back into my life was music. That was one of things that has kind of fallen by the wayside as we've struggled to get our bearings. But one day, I just needed a lift so bad that I went down to the basement and brought up my keyboard, my guitar and flute, all my music, and I have played and played and played. Boy oh boy has that brought an amazing spirit into our home! I had forgotten how music can reach you like nothing else. I feel like that alone has made everything worth it. I draw so much strength from it. And everyone else seems to also. I will never again let music fall by the wayside. In our family, it seems to be as important as scriptures, prayer, and food. Another way to nourish the soul. :) What a special gift to have been given at a time when we needed it so much.
The other thing I have learned is to just surrender. I tend to throw myself into a million things at once....I LOVE to be busy, and feel like I am contributing and improving every day. But boy howdy I had to learn to slow down even more than I ever thought possible, and I've had experiences sweeter than ever before, and so much time to think about things....what's important, what I need, what will improve our family life, how to make the best of and thrive in our current situation....so much! My heart is just overflowing with gratitude and inspiration. I have learned so much in so little time it seems. Now I feel so much excitement and enthusiasm for what life is bringing, and the direction we are headed. We have just been showered with so many blessings, and I feel so strongly that it's because there is so much that we need to be doing, and the Lord is making it possible for us. I hope with all I am that I don't let Him down. We will see what the next year unfolds for us, already there are so many changes and challenges and ADVENTURES! We can't wait! I have so many goals and ambitions and dreams for this next year, as well as many unknowns. I am excited to see it all unfold!
Monday, January 4, 2010
With a Full Heart
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Is it Really 2010?
My goodness, when I think about the past decade, I feel so blessed. I was 15 a decade ago! What magic a decade can bring! Life is so wonderful, isn't it? I just thought I would review, for my own documentation, the highlights of the last decade.
The Good: I got my drivers' license, learned to play the guitar, flute, oboe, and piccolo, got involved in Clayton Productions (the most AMAZING singing/performing group ever), made the volleyball team, learned how to rock climb, snowshoe, ran a 1/2 marathon, met and dated Wes, finally began my dream of dog sport while learning agility with my dog, started and ran various businesses, finally settled on Mona Vie and lia sophia, won an award for sewing a beautiful dress, learned how to cook, learned how to grow many beautiful and yummy things in my garden, taught a bird how to talk and do tricks, went on many mini weekends with friends, family and of course my hubby, moved 7 times, learned to surf, got to watch some amazing beach volleyball in person, started writing my first song, got two new brothers and two new sisters, a new brother-in-law, and a new sister-in-law, took the boys on their first airplane ride, got better at writing, read hundreds of books, got to be in a really fun play, learned a ton about photography, learned a little ASL, got to ice skate competitively, got ironically much better at dance once I quite figure skating, got involved in a daily yoga practice - all these things have really enriched my life
The Bad: both my Grandma and Granny passed away, as well as two of Wes' grandparents, lost a nephew to an extremely preventable, tragic situation that sadly heightened my awareness to the sad reality of child abuse, learned a hard lesson about car buying when we got stuck with a lemon for two years in which we lost thousands of dollars when we finally sold it, had the worst job of my life - really a nightmare, went on a bad honeymoon (really, I promise on this one. I am not hard to please, but our original plans fell through and we had to throw something together very last-minute. We ended up at a cabin with no running water and very little power that we had to conserve for what little cooking we could do. I had to shower in the boys' bathroom by the pool all the way at the bottom of the mountain, we rode motorcycles that broke down quite a ways from where we left, we were in a near-death rock climbing experience which involved a rescue from another neighborly group of rock climbers, we finally left a day early to have somewhere to shower and sleep before we started our trek to Nevada.), my mom and I got into an argument with an unconcerned, unprofessional Lehi cop that has resulted in a strong dislike for most cops for both of us as well as hating to live anywhere near Lehi - watch out for this guy, he is a creep! we've acquired a Valentine's jinx in which every single Valentine's Day from the time we were married up until now, has been ruined by some catastrophe...hopefully this one will change with the start of a new decade!
The Ugly: gained 46 pounds with each pregnancy that I am still struggling to get a handle on while beginning my third pregnancy, after five years of telling every do tor that would see me that something wasn't right, I had a large, benign ovarian tumor removed in emergency surgery which stemmed a plethora of health problems ranging from severe acid reflux to asthma to anxiety, got a third job doing medicine deliveries while living in Nevada which quickly proceeded to be the biggest, most expensive nightmare job ever, student loans and medical debt....need I say more?
The Beautiful: married my sweetheart and best friend in the Salt Lake temple (I still pinch myself every morning when I wake up next to him), had two sweet, beautiful, healthy boys, found some new passions in life including gardening, the great outdoors, health and nutrition, handwork and making things, to name a few, got to be a youth counselor in the Special Needs Mutual for a few years, having the joy of carrying our third child, due this summer, climbed Mount Timpanogas during which I had one of the most spiritual experiences of my life, got our two sweet, darling dogs, have learned and grown at a much faster rate since becoming a wife and mommy and seen so many little blessings and miracles come our way, met many amazing, inspiring people that have touched my life in so many ways, started and continued a gratitude journal for nearly a decade now, got my patriarchal blessing, set and reached many goals and dreams
Wow, when I look back, I know so much more has happened. It seems like such a long time and such a blur at the same time. I feel so happy at all the good (and bad) things I have experienced and accomplished. I have learned so much and been so enriched! Now as I am in the process of writing my New Year's resolutions, here's to another year, and decade, of many miracles, blessings, joy, and success!
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Merry Christmas!
Boy time has whizzed by once again! After my last post, the boys came down with swine flu and then Wes and I got it. Someone was sick for about 5 weeks, I was sick for around three. I haven't been sick like that in years! I'm going to blame it on pregnancy, because it seems like I have a harder time getting well when I get sick while I'm pregnant. And then lucky me, morning sickness hit....hard....during the flu, so I've been pretty much flattened for the last two months. I think next year I need to have Christmas done before Halloween. It seems like things get crazy for us before Thanksgiving and we're left to try and make do. I can't complain, things always turn out beautifully, but I would like to have a little more "down time" and "order" during the holidays.
Thinking back to the craziness of the last few months, my heart just swells with gratitude for my boys. Kolton especially, has really grown into the "big brother" role and helped out so much with Micah. I've sent him countless times to fetch things for me. Both boys have started bringing toys into my room to play with me on the bed or near it. Part of me feels so guilty! These poor little guys are so lonely for Mommy that they resort to playing next to her bed. But it was a learning experience for me as well. I thought a lot about Wes's mom, Johanna, during this whole experience (Wes's mom died right before he turned 7, of stomach cancer). How would it be to be so sick and know that you would only get worse, and during the sickness you needed to fill each child's heart full of so much love that they would remember that Mommy always loved them? How would it be to leave four small boys, all under the age of 7, and your husband and best friend? Every time things got to where I felt I couldn't handle it anymore, my thoughts turned toward Johanna. My heart would fill with such gratitude and joy that my sickness and other challenges means not that death is near, but that there is a new life growing inside of me. That is one incredible blessing!
The boys are so excited about the baby. Especially Kolton. We read in "A Child is Born" almost daily and learn about the things growing and developing on our little baby. (today, it is the size of a lemon and has grown fingernails!) How babies grow and develop in utero never ceases to amaze me. What a miracle! It's been so wonderful to share that miracle with my other two miracles. They are growing up so fast it's almost overwhelming to think about. They were two little babies not very long ago, and now they are definitely two little boys! All boy! And the questions Kolton asks me on a daily basis are unbelievable! They are growing and learning so fast it makes me all the more determined to enjoy every minute of it! I love those little boys so much!
Wes has been pretty amazing too. We knew it would be hard with his schedule and how far away he works, but he does his very best to be here when he's home, and he is. He has never complained, or even teased, my very pregnant, sensitive heart about what doesn't get done. He just constantly makes sure things get done for me so that I can rest. (not that there's been tons of that through the holidays, but still) He is such a good person, and such an amazing support for me. He's always there, and he always cares. A lot. Who could ask for a better husband? I am the luckiest girl in the world. He's my very best friend and with him by my side, I can do anything!
The holidays flew by so quickly I am still catching my breath, but they were sure fun! Through the month we got to drive around and look at Christmas lights, be a "secret elf" to a special friend, make gingerbread houses, visit temple square and even go on a carriage ride courtesy of "Bart" the horse, attend family parties, live nativities, listen to Christmas music and play it at home, teach and learn so much more about the Savior and his gifts for us. Exchange many hugs ans kisses, cook enough to feed an army, play in the snow, and snuggle with mugs of hot chocolate by the Christmas tree. Among many other things. It's amazing how much we can cram in there! But we love every minute of it!
This year for Christmas, Wes got me a kind sized bed, compete with pillows and sheets (thanks mom and dad) and a down comforter. My pregnant self is in sheer bliss. We were the recipients of so many wonderful gifts this year, and hopefully the givers of them as well, but I am so excited about one of Wes's presents that I had to share! I decided this year I am going to teach him how to play the piano. He's always wanted to learn, but really knows nothing about music at this point. How sad to grow up without that amazing beauty and peace and exuberance that only music can bring. So this year, I get to bring it to him, and we are very excited. If he can hang in there for a few months I know he will get hooked. I am so excited to see this part of him unfold, as well as share that part of me with him even more. I love this man so stinkin' much!
I've got so much more to write, but two sweet little angel boys are on my bed with a Candyland game, so I guess that's my cue. I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas filled with many blessings and miracles and much joy!
Friday, October 23, 2009
A Bun in the Oven....and Some Ramblings
Wes and I are now expecting the fifth member of our family on June 21, 2010. We are very excited and can't believe it! We have been so blessed to be able to grow our family. Wish us luck as we embark on this pregnancy during the busiest time of our married lives, Wes and I each building a business, raising our two beautiful, sweet boys, taking care of our home and dogs, Wes's extra hours working to pay off debt and build his business, and now we are coming into the holidays. I was feeling a little guilty about feeling so tired so early, but now that I am typing I see how much it really is in addition to the regular day-to-day stuff. I am going to have to work hard to be faithful with my prenatal yoga. It has always given me so much strength, peace, and relaxation during a time where my body feels so different and there are so many stresses and unknowns. For me, yoga gets me through my pregnancy more than any craving(although I have been eating guacamole like crazy!), especially the sciatic nerve and round ligament pain. knock on wood, I never seem to get too terribly sick (believe me, I still get sick, but not like some unlucky women who puke all day every day until the baby comes, I definitely feel better for the most part, after the first part.), but I am in a lot of pain most of the time instead. Honestly, for me, that's probably better anyway.
For now, I am in my quiet house. Wes is still at work, the boys are in bed after a full day or fun and work mixed together. I am getting ready to go do a lia sophia show (and pay a much-needed visit) to my good friend, Michelle, up in Idaho Falls, all by myself. (I don't know if that's ever happened since we've been married.) My mind always seems to be too tired for racing from one thought to the other lately, but I do feel thoughtful. I feel so busy, and I miss m husband. We've been so busy it's our time alone together that's been lacking the most. And I miss him. A lot. He is such a strength to me. He is my love, my best friend. It's times like these, when things get hard, that my love grows for him so much (along with ever other time in our lives). He is such an amazing person. So happy, so giving, so positive. So into his wife and his family. He is such a hard worker. He has more humility and integrity than anyone I know. I feel so blessed and overwhelmed at the fact that we get to be together forever. I have so much hard work to do to be anywhere near as good as he is. How did I get so lucky?
I feel often that the Lord has got something very special in store for our family. We have been showered with so many blessings, and my heart is just constantly so full of gratitude and love and awe. I feel Him there with us all the time, in everything we are doing. Often I wonder what it is He will have us do. Right now it feels like something big is going to happen (although maybe that's because we are about to have another baby...?). I feel so blessed to have such wonderful friends and family, to have the blessing of the gospel in my life, and to have the blessing and privilege if staying at home to be a full-time mommy to my sweet boys who bring me so much joy. I feel how important that job is every single minute of every single day. I hope I raise these boys up to be men like Wes. That's a pretty tall order, but from what I can tell so far, they are pretty incredible people too. It's such a humbling thing to be a mom, and realize that you are supposed to be teaching these incredible little people to be joyful, independent, loving individuals when they already seem to be teaching me so much more than I could ever teach them. I love being a Mommy, and I hope and pray every day that I do a better job than the day before, and that I've made my family, on earth and in heaven, proud of me.
I've been thinking a lot about goals lately. I like to set goals in the fall as well as at the turn of the new year. This time it's been so hard. It seems like there are so many important things going on in our lives right now that it's hard to choose what's most important to work on. For starters I really think we need to get ourselves, alone and together, to the temple a lot more often. I would also love some ideas of how to make my gospel study at home on Sundays more meaningful (Since Wes is in primary, I have to stay home with the boys every single week, and I miss that peaceful little lift I get from church). Any ideas are welcome. I also think right now it's so very important to serve others, and be a good friend. There are so many people I want to reach out to. I also need o find mo ways to cut corners at home so that our time together as a family is quality time, since there's been so little of it lately. My heart just feels so full of excitement and joy and contentment when we are all together. I love my little family so much!
Well, I guess that's all for now. There is still so much to do before I take off. I just wanted to put some thoughts down for now while they are still fresh in my mind.
Friday, September 18, 2009
What Do You Think?
http://www.vegsource.com/articles/catano.htm
I was just curious what everyone's thoughts were on this link. Our family started a tradition of a yearly "major" - a topic we really want to focus on and learn a lot about for the upcoming year. It's been so fun and informative, and truly a blessing as well. Although studying it more in depth than normal (which is a lot, because this has always been an area of interest for me), particularly nutrition and natural healing, has made me realize how little I know, and how much more I want to learn.
This focus for the year has truly been at a time of utmost need. Many of you know, and many of you don't know, that I have struggled with my health for about 5 years now, the most being probably over the past year, starting right before I had emergency surgery to remove a benign tumor off my ovary (along with part of that ovary), and continuing through very recently. I will not say that I am "cured" yet, but I will say that I feel better now than I have felt in a long time, and I have gained the blessing and gift of so much knowledge that I may not have otherwise pursued.
Nutrition has become such an important part of our lives. I'm not going to say we eat perfectly every day, but we are eating much healthier overall. The hardest part is finding FRESH foods, which is still a struggle, and has made our garden that much more important of an asset. I have always wanted my own backyard hobby farm, and now more than ever that is a goal and dream of mine for so many reasons.
The other blessing that has recently come into our lives because of our study and also because of my best friend who cares about me and has hated seeing me so sick, has been a wellness drink called "Mona Vie." Celest and Todd (our friends) stayed up late talking to me about it and some of the miracles they have seen happen when people take this juice. (I'm not calling this "miracle juice" like some people will, but I am more of the opinion that or bodies are nutritionally deficient to some degree or another no matter what we do, and the closer we can get our bodies to the optimum level of nutrition, the better our bodies will be able to heal, and the healthier we will be.) I can tell you a plethora of stories I have heard firsthand from people, but I won't. At this point, since we are still learning so much about this amazing product, I've decided to share with you what it's done for me so far (coupled with cutting back on meat and dairy considerably, but not completely).
In three weeks, my asthma has improved dramatically. (I was told this was probably the first thing that would improve because the body will heal itself from the most recent ailment first, and then move on to the next thing, and so on and so forth.) I have reduced the amount of steroid in my inhaler to half my normal amount. I haven't had to use my rescue inhaler to sleep. I haven't had to use it to groom or play with my dogs, or be outside. I have been able to be active and move more than I've been able to in a year! I'm almost to the point where I can do just about any exercise I want again, which is huge for me because that part's been the biggest struggle for me throughout this whole ordeal. I have started to be able to smell things a little better (my nose was so swollen inside from allergies at my last two doctor appointments) and I haven't had to take my allergy meds in a couple weeks. I'm sleeping better because I'm breathing better, thus I have more energy the next day, and need less sleep than before because I'm not constantly waking up gasping for air. My menstrual cycle came on the "regular" day for the first time since taking birth control pills when we first were married five years ago. I have so much more energy it's not even funny! I rarely get that afternoon "drag" like I did before. I used to fall asleep when I was putting the boys down for a nap, and then be too tired to get anything done while they were sleeping. But now I feel fresh all day long. It's so nice!
Anyway, I won't keep rambling on, but I will continue to share changes in my health as we continue to learn more about nutrition, drink our Mona Vie, and continue to make healthier choices. One of the next things on my list is taking whole food supplements instead of vitamins. Bedtime being at the optimal healing time (10pm-2am aka 10-6) is number one for me right now. Unfortunately it also seems to be the most challenging.
I feel so blessed we are learning so much about our health this year. It has truly changed my life so far in too many ways to count. I have really struggled going through this trial of a lack of health but truly have been given so many precious gifts because of it. Knowledge, passion, empathy for others, gratitude, faith, among others. I feel so very blessed that we have the Word of Wisdom as our guide and the promises and blessing that come with it. Our bodies are so connected spiritually, mentally, and physically. So many spiritual blessings have come from improving our health in addition to the knowledge and physical blessings we have experienced so far.
But that's anther post for another day. I've rambled on enough for now.
But please do me a favor. Read the article, share your opinion, share your knowledge. I want to learn more! Let the debate begin......
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
We're Back....Almost
Hey everyone, it's been a long, long time since I blogged. And I was behind before that. Our laptop broke and we've been living life with no computer.
Just an iPod touch for over 2 1/2 months.
Yes, pain in the rear. The things we all do to save money right?
Well, in light of a couple new businesses Wes and I are getting involved in, and the inability to document our lives, print much-needed Joyschool and other Eyre articles, and difficulty budgeting without excel or billpay, we finally decided it was time.
The week before, Micah got into the digital camera and dropped it.
Yup.
It's broken too.
So now we are the happy-but-four-hundred-bucks-poorer owners of a new laptop.
Windows Vista stinks.
But we have a working computer, so it's all good.
Now we have to figure out how to extract all the important files from our old computer and camera and put them on the new computer.
I guess a camera is the next on the replacement list.
So for now I guess I can't catch up or post pictures until further notice. But I'm going to try to journal and update as best I can while we are working hard to catch up with our lovely new expenses. When we figure out how to move the pictures I haven't posted onto this computer, I will have to post little "catch-ups" here and there.
Oh well.
I feel blessed to have a way to pay for "life." We are so blessed and lucky that Wes' field of work is still booming. And even more blessed for the other new business opportunities that have crossed our paths. I will explain more later. It's so exciting!
By the way, Oliver got hit by a car last night.
Lucky for us, he is still alive, and much stronger than last night. But boy howdy was that ever expensive, and I don't think it's over quite yet.
I think it's time for us to consider pet health insurance.
I used to see those pamphlets and laugh that people would do that.
I guess I got humbled.
On a lighter note, we've been extremely busy with many new changes and goals and ambitions. Don't get me wrong, life is so good right now, just really hard, busy, and difficult to get organized and work out the glitches.
I feel kind of like a chicken with its head cut off, but in a good way.
I will post more about it later though because our two adorable little boys came into the room and told me they're hungry. One is soaking wet. The other is eating the endpieces of bread that we'd saved for the ducks.
Boys will be boys.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
DC Trip - Day Two - Petting Zoo
Isn't this little guy adorable?! We sure got a kick out of watching his antics. Boy oh boy was he a busy little guy!
Kolton LOVED feeding the animals. He especially loved giving them the bottles. Is this kid ready to be a big brother again or what? (no, that is not an announcement, just an observation) He loves animals almost as much as Mommy!
This is what Micah wanted to do the whole time. He just kept running back to this little merry-go-round, over and over again. What a cutie pie!
Kolton rather enjoyed it too. He waved every time he passed us.
After walking around for a bit, we decided to do the little zoo hay ride. We hopped on the trailer and they drove us through this big open area with a lot of different kind of animals, all roaming free together. It was fun!
This ostrich followed us the entire time. We all thought he was pretty funny following us like a puppy dog!
I forgot what they called these guys. But apparently they originated out of Egypt and were the first cows ever domesticated. They were HUGE. And the picture does not do their horns justice. They were very thick and I think he said they were six feet wide....I can't remember. But this one was a baby. There was another one that was even bigger, but my pictures of him aren't too wonderful. 
The camels were a favorite for all of us. They have the longest eyelashes!
Here's our little buddy again. The boys laughed until they cried when we finally gave him some food. They thought the way he ate was hilarious.
Exploring the rest of the zoo was fun too....
It was do gorgeous and green there! The water was absolutely breathtaking. The boys loved that there were ducks and turtles in the pond. It was so exciting for them to see the little turtles' heads popped up all over the pond, waiting to see of we had any snacks for them.
The boys really got into the sandbox too! It was so fun watching them play together!
We couldn't get Kolton to open his eyes; the sun was in his face, but this was too cute to pass by!
After we left the zoo, the boys crashed in the car for two hours! Wes and I drove around a few Virginia neighborhoods before heading back to our hotel. Driving around anywhere out there was such a treat with all the green. We rather enjoyed the longer drives to get from here to there. All in all, the second day of our DC adventure was a huge success!
